• My Journey

    I Messed Up

    I know that I can’t always get it right. I know I am gonna mess up, but it’s just that when I do. I get so caught up in it which makes me so sad. I wish I would never, but the hard truth is that I need to rely more on God for my difference. I would be lying if I told you that I haven’t been trying to do things my way. You see the things I suffer with is common for many people and some might say its so easy to get over. I can’t explain it, but I know it is a serious problem.

    I am still having sex and with that bring out the need to lie. I am so disappointed in myself. I am told that this will happen, but I don’t want it to happen. I don’t know what to do.

    I experience so much guilt about it and I will get to a point where I feel forgiven and then something horrible happens. I know my breakthrough is near. It is said the closer you are to your breakthrough the more trials you will encounter.

    For anyone out there going through the same thing or something similar I want you to know that relying on God is the only way. I know that now, in fact, I have always known that, but I just thought that I could help to speed the process up.

     

  • My Journey

    You Know What!!!

    So Often I wonder what my future will look like and where I will be 5 years from now. I wonder if I will be happy, I wonder if I will let myself down. Today, I am making the decision to not worry about any of that because you know what; I am learning. I am learning that I have no control over so many things in my life and thats OK. I don’t want to fight for control of every single thing in my life. I want to put it all in God’s hand.

    Things change, people change. It all changes. So embrace it. Just ensure you don’t lose yourself in the process. Recently, I have held on to a small quote. I don’t know where I got it from. It just came to me.

    “DON’T REGRET THE CHANGE, RESPECT THE CHANGE”

    I will respect the changes in my life so as long as it doesn’t violate God’s way.

  • My Journey

    Lifetime Walk

    When I first purchased this domain, I intended to start a T-shirt company for Christians. Its been over 5 months now and I have not started that company yet. Today, I received an encouragement to start a blog about my journey. I want to help others like me.

    I am a newly baptisted christian and I attend an extension of the Pentecostal denomination (Church of God of Prophecy). My friends call me Pat. I have been a Christian for about 10 months. To many this in itself is a huge accomplishment, but for me; I don’t think its enough. I am seeking more; I want to be closer to Christ. You see, Jesus have always been a part of my life someway or another even before I got baptisted. He has kept me.

    Growing up my mom was a christian, she isn’t a perfect christian by no means; but she tried. She made mistakes and had events of failure, but I watched her get back up every single time. I have seen her cry and I have seen her fight. I know you are wondering what does my mom have to do with anything, but you needed to know a little about her too. She was my first teacher. I was not the innocent, always overjoyed and completely dedicated child growing up. I lied, I disobey, I cheated and lets not forget disrespected others.

    I have done so much in my life that I am not proud of, and today, they are some of the very things that has been a struggle for me to recover from. I don’t know how many of you can relate, but I often wish I could go back in time just to smack myself in the head. If I could say one thing to myself 10 years ago I would say; DON’T DO THAT. My parents were good parents; they did the best they could, but for some reason I would always want more. It was not money I seeked either; It was the parties, the drinking and just the type of life that a child should not live. I didn’t get involved in drugs (well I don’t think I did), which is good. I am from the Caribbean so we have a different culture. I drank a lot in my teenage years and I smoked marijuana and maybe a cigarette or two. Thank God it has no permanent effects so far. I messed around a lot and even though I didn’t loose my virginity until I was 17 years old, I came close many times. It was my way of pushing the limit. When I lost my virginity, many things happened in my life and I also did even more things that I am not proud of. I became addicted to sex, so much so that if I was not having sex, I would be masturbating. To summarize for you I have done a lot of things that I shouldn’t have done.

    Today, I have many struggles and while I am not consumed with all the things of my past, there is a few that I am still bonded by. My past is by no means something to be proud of, but I don’t regret it because if I did then I would not be respecting the change. I am glad I have changed and I need to change even more.

    You see when you become a christian, you have to give up that nature that you’ve had for years. You have to walk away from your habits. It is not easy. It is so hard and trust me you need the Holy Spirit to help you because you can’t do it alone. You may be victorious at times, you may fail and you may relapse, but you can’t embark on the Christian Walk with the mindset the you will fail. You have to have faith and trust in God and most of all you have to believe that you will overcome. I want to leave with you that change will not happen the day after you are saved, you can’t undo years of bad habits overnight. It takes time and you need to believe in the process and the journey Christ has designed for you. If you find yourself in a place where are not please with the way you are living, you need to pray about it and you should make it your mission to talk to Christ every single day.

    This is my first ever post and I want all readers to encourage me. I will do my best with God’s help to encourage you too. If you have specific questions or topics that you want me to write about, please let me know.